Shalini’s story: Caregiving amid life's demands
Shalini Bhatia is the Director of Program and Business Development for the Graduate School of Business Executive Education. She is also a full-time caregiver to her elderly father.
Shalini’s story is not unique. The National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP now estimate that more than 53 million Americans provide unpaid care for family members, and the number has only grown in recent years.
During the height of the pandemic, Shalini found herself providing full-time care for her father when he moved into her condo in San Francisco. “This is not my first foray into caring for an elderly parent,” Shalini said. “My mom had early onset Alzheimer’s. I was flying between Texas and Florida every few weeks to help my father care for my mom. So, I got a taste for it then.”
When Shalini’s dad moved in, he was still quite independent and didn’t have any major health issues. Everything changed when her father had a stroke in 2021 and spent 100 days in a medical facility.
“I remember taking Zoom calls from his hospital room at all hours of the day, as I have clients in lots of different time zones,” Shalini recounted. “It was different when he came home. I had to learn how to care for him as his health evolved. Even as I speak, he’s in the hospital again with sepsis. I don’t know what caregiving will look like when he comes home.”
Self-care, even when it feels wrong
Roland Hsu, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker from Stanford's Faculty Staff Help Center, stresses the importance of taking care of yourself. "Self-care is perhaps the hardest task for caregivers to perform," he said. "It can feel hard, even wrong to do. And yet it's indispensable, ultimately, to enable caregivers to give their best support when they replenish their reserves."
Shalini also came to realize the value of self-care. She started getting a massage every two weeks; to keep up with friends during the pandemic, she set up Zoom calls or met up outdoors.
“Going to the farmer’s market gives me joy; so I would walk to the San Francisco Ferry Building Saturday Market to get my weekly produce, soak up the fresh air, and enjoy the bay. I also tapped into Stanford’s resources,” she said. “I wish more people knew how much was on offer for employees in a caregiving role.
“Counselors from our Faculty Staff Help Center helped me with my mental health as well as my self-care routine," she added. "I started attending a monthly elder care support group run by the WorkLife team, which was super helpful. I was also grateful for the 10 backup elder care days on offer that allowed me to run my Executive Education program while having peace of mind that my dad was being cared for.”
Finding support along the way
There is great comfort—and power—in having a support network during difficult times.
“Personally, none of this would have been possible without the compassion and support of my management and my team,” Shalini said. “I feel very fortunate to be in a position where I can support my father while not compromising my ability to be a productive employee.”
She added: “I’m sharing my story because I think it’s an important story to tell—and, I suspect, more common than we realize at Stanford. I want people to know that there are others going through a similar journey, who understand what it’s like.”
Benefits and employee programs to support you
- The WorkLife Office delivers programs, services, resources, and financial assistance for caregivers of:
- Elderly and Adults: Elder care services, consultation resource and referral support, and educational resources, including an upcoming caregiver summer seminar series:
- Aging, Working, Caregiving 101: From Chaos to Confidence (May 10, 2023, at 11:30 a.m. PT)
- Your Family Emergency and Caregiver Contingency Plan (June 13, 2023, at 11:30a.m. PT)
- Caring for the Caregiver (July 13, 2023, at 11:30 a.m. PT)
- Children & Family: Back up care for children and elders, school-age resources, financial assistance, and other resources
- Elderly and Adults: Elder care services, consultation resource and referral support, and educational resources, including an upcoming caregiver summer seminar series:
- Our Faculty Staff Help Center offers a variety of services, including confidential counseling and discussion groups. You and your eligible dependents can receive up to 10 free visits after an initial assessment. Benefits-eligible employees located outside California may access mental health services through SupportLinc.
- Additional mental health resources, such as a free online mental wellness program through Meru Health, are available if you are enrolled in a university-sponsored medical plan.
- Understand how our Paid Family Leave benefits can help you plan your time effectively.
- Schedule 1-1 financial counseling with Fidelity or TIAA to help you understand any long-term care benefits you may be able to access through your investments.
- Review the database of qualified expenses for HSAs and FSAs for supplies, protective equipment, or programs that may help if you’re caring for a legal dependent, even if they aren’t covered by your health plan.
- Your manager or your school/unit HR Manager can be a source of support. The Family Caregiver Alliance is also a valuable resource.