Caregivers need care, too

Caregiving is at once rewarding and challenging because we deeply care about our loved ones. It’s easy to put aside our own needs and well-being when we’re laser-focused on helping others, but that can lead to burnout and other negative impacts on our mental and physical health. That’s why we mark National Family Caregiver’s Month by honoring the caregivers in our community and by reminding you to take care of you. 

At Stanford, you matter as much as the work. The intersection of work and life is continually shifting, and Stanford meets you where you are. There are many resources available to help you manage the inevitable emotions you have around caregiving, take care of your own health, and balance the practical demands of work and caregiving. (No time to read? Jump down to a simple list of resources and links.) 

As you explore your resources, bear in mind that…

Anyone can be a caregiver. First, let’s acknowledge that historically women have borne the brunt of child and elder care in most American families, and research suggests that some gender-linked disparity stubbornly persists. At the same time, divorce rates hover around 40% of all marriages in the U.S., and millions of parents share custody of their children with an ex-spouse. A recent study at UCLA shows that millions of same-sex couples are also parenting children. As a result, it’s common for children to have two fathers, two mothers, multiple stepparents, or others who figure prominently in their lives. Whatever caregiver roles you take on in your own given, chosen, or blended family, and whatever caregiving traditions your family embraces – or casts aside – we encourage you to take advantage of your Stanford resources. You’re doing a lot, and it really is okay to ask for help!

Feel like a sandwich? Sorry, this isn’t an invitation to lunch. According to the Pew Research Center, about a quarter of adults in the U.S. find themselves in a challenging phase, sandwiched between taking care of children who aren’t ready to leave the house while also needing to care for older parents who are ready to move back in. If this is your situation, be sure to check out both the elder care and child care resources below, or think about attending a free helpful workshop this November. And, please, do treat yourself to a nice, healthy lunch as well. You deserve it.

Care for the caregivers around you. Even if you’re not a caregiver yourself, you probably have a colleague who shoulders that added responsibility. You can celebrate Family Caregiver’s Month by showing that colleague a little extra kindness. Take them out for a coffee, or just tell the caregivers you know that you appreciate the energy they bring to work despite the many other demands placed on their time. Throughout the year, you can also help your caregiving colleagues immeasurably by being supportive when they have to take their dad to a dental appointment or pick their kid up from school. (Please be encouraged to log such acts of giving in the fall CaW Cares Giving Campaign portal.)

Resources to help prioritize your physical and mental health

While we often say that mind and body are interconnected, the related resources are usually distinct. 

All Stanford health care plans provide in-network mental health, behavioral health, and substance abuse care. Our mental and emotional health resources include Meru Health, a 12-week online mental wellness program that uses a mind-body approach to help reduce anxiety, stress, depression, and long-term burnout. The program includes access to a licensed therapist who can help you get the most out of your experience with the program. You can also find support through the Faculty Staff Help Center, which offers confidential counseling, workshops, discussion groups, department consultations, and facilitated conversations; employees living outside of California can use SupportLinc for similar services.

Be sure to bookmark the BeWell website, your wellness hub at Stanford. BeWell inspires us all to optimize our physical and mental health through evidence-based Healthy Living classes, events, and services, including personalized support like 1:1 wellness coaching and a state-of-the-art employee wellness platform.

Elder care challenges and resources to address them

Taking care of an adult is very different from parenting, and the circumstances around it are too. While we have at least nine months to prepare for having a child, we may have no notice at all when another family member becomes unable to take care of themselves. To boot, the person who needs care may not live nearby or even in the same state or country as you do. 

We also want to acknowledge that taking care of an elderly parent may be something you have very mixed feelings about, particularly if your relationship with said parent has been fraught. If you have siblings, they may or may not share caregiving responsibilities with you, and the experience could bring you closer – or cause old conflicts to resurface. Caregiving may also limit the time you have with your own children or cause friction in a partner relationship. Don’t hesitate to use the mental health support resources available to you as you navigate these and other challenges. 

Familiarize yourself with your resources now whether you currently care for an elder or if it may become your responsibility to do so in the future. See elder care and caregiving info on Cardinal at Work to learn about tools for positive aging, caregiver discussion groups, back-up elder care for when you need to be at work and your regular adult and elder care arrangements are unavailable. You’ll also see some of the external resources worth consulting.

Parenting and child care resources

Children are often our greatest source of joy, but let’s be honest, they can also be exhausting.  From sleepless nights and endless responsibilities to managing tantrums and navigating their ever-changing needs, parenting requires a tremendous amount of energy, patience and resilience. “It takes a village to raise a child” is a powerful reminder that raising children should not be a solo endeavor, it takes a community of parents, caregivers, extended family, teachers, friends and neighbors to provide children with diverse support, wisdom, and resources they need to thrive. Consider Stanford part of your village. Child and family resources offered to you at Stanford include on-site, off-site, and back-up child care opportunities as well as fun summer activities and camps.  You may also want to look at the Work-Life Integration tips as your children grow and your needs change.

Caregiving can be expensive, explore financial assistance resources 

According to the financial advice platform Smart Asset, the average annual cost of raising a child in the Bay Area in 2023 was over $35K, with child care accounting for about half that figure. The cost of care for seniors, in the form of in-home or assisted living facilities, medical needs, and everyday living expenses varies widely but can amount to even more. Some Stanford families are fortunate to have the means to cover these expenses, but for many, it’s a hardship. 

Lean on the financial assistance programs offered to Stanford staff and faculty for help supporting your needs. Depending on your situation and role at the university, you may be eligible for support through a Child Care Subsidy Grant, Faculty Child Care Assistance Program (FCCAP), or Junior Faculty Dependent Care Travel Grant. Note that the application period for the FCCAP ends on Nov. 15 for the next funding period. You may even be eligible for monetary assistance to adopt a child.

Setting aside pre-tax money in a health savings account, health care flexible spending account, or dependent care flexible spending account can save you money by reducing your taxable income, depending on your personal circumstances. Get the details about Health Savings & Spending Accounts on Cardinal at Work. Note that you can only sign up for savings and flex-spending accounts during open enrollment, happening now through Nov. 8. So, you’ll have to act quickly to elect this benefit in 2025.

In certain critical situations, you may be eligible for emergency monetary assistance. 

We see you and you are appreciated! 

In closing, we are truly grateful for everything you do for the Stanford community and for your loved ones. Please let us know if you can’t find the help that you need. We continually strive to empower you to do your best work and to support your well-being. 

Explore the benefits and employee programs that matter to you on Cardinal at Work.